Christmas-Ephiphany Letter

Advent ~ Christmas ~ Epiphany Greetings 

As 2024 winds down, I’m thinking about highs and lows for our family, for our country and for our world. The Franciscan friar Father Richard Rohr says “we daringly believe that God’s presence was poured into a single human being, so that humanity and divinity can be seen to be operating as one in him.. . .Through his incarnated presence, Jesus offered the world a living example of fully embodied love that emerged out of ordinary, limited life situations.” So my wish as I reflect on this year is for us to be reminded of that embodied love, often from people who show up in our lives, which more often than not is more ordinary than the curated Christmas card collage or social media picture.   Our year: the curated and the ordinary. 

Last December, we went to Fredericksburg to honor the retirement of our dear friend and minister, Patti. There, the girls and I shed a lot of tears for what we missed and the times that had passed. Because we missed our church so much, we started worshipping online with them as a family on Sunday mornings. Also on that trip, coincidentally Anna Cate received the email she got into UT Knoxville at our friends the Hauns’  home. And a few days later on the way home, when we stopped to see Virginia Tech women’s basketball, she was elated to receive the email of acceptance to Virginia Tech. We knew that her  going to Blacksburg wasn’t going to be easy, but I thought we would take the words of JFK in his going to the Moon speech -- “why does Rice play Texas?” But late in May, when the financial packages came out, it seemed like maybe going to the moon would be easier than us figuring out how an “out of state” state school made sense. My Dad said, “Sometimes God closes doors we don’t have the courage to close ourselves.” 

So in May, Anna Cate felt the pull of  “let this be easy -- go to Knoxville,” and while she initially felt disappointed about choosing UT, her freshman year there has turned out to be great so far! Perhaps this narrative resembles the nativity story we celebrate—a young couple whose first choice was a room at the inn. Also, the classic The Littlest Angel tells of a young, disheveled angel longing for the simple pleasures of Earth, and feeling inadequate in the presence of the Almighty. Yet he is comforted in hearing God say that the contents of Earth are pleasing since “My Son is born to be King of the Earth.”  In the story, it is those earthly things that radiate brilliance as the star of Bethlehem. And maybe I’m being dramatic, but while she didn’t “go to the moon,” Anna Cate also radiates in the way she loves and lives. And, no I am not comparing UT to a barn -- I actually even own some UT gear. 

After graduation this summer, Anna Cate was a camp counselor at NaCoMe and spoke weekly at  Thursday’s worship; her message was about how God gives us all gifts to discover and use, and I was just in awe of her faith and confidence when I was able to go hear it.  For one of the weeks, Molly got to be a camper at NaCoMe! Anna Cate handled going to college with honesty and grit -- and even said after the first month, “It feels like camp and I’m wondering when the parents are coming to pick everyone up,” but she finally got to the point where she says she loves it there as much as she misses us.  Anna Cate has the courage to face joy and discomfort with equanimity. She joined a sorority, has made new friends, enjoys connecting with friends from high school, makes the time to study and exercise regularly, and even sings Rocky Top and wears that gaudy orange. A dear grandparent-like figure to her, our cousin Wad Nunnelly,  passed away in October, and she spoke at his memorial service. Her good cheer is truly a bright light, and while we miss her terribly, I am happy for her courage, perspective, strength, and faith in herself, humanity, and God. 

In January, at her last home basketball game for 8th grade night, Molly suffered a season-ending injury and spent two months on crutches. But her rise from that low has been amazing to witness.  After she got the clear, she started working with a trainer, Coach Dave, who calls his training a “businesstry” as he trains kids as well as ministering to them. As I’ve told him, he is a part of our plan B for life, and such a blessed part. This summer she started playing basketball on the team at Independence, where she would be a new kid at a school of 2,000 kids, but she has seemed to handle it well.  She said the first week of school,  kids asked her if they could  sit with her at  a football game and she said she wanted to say “I feel like there is something you should know -- I seemed to have fooled you because I am not popular here.” She has made friends in her classes and loves school.  She signed up for a trip with her Spanish teacher to Spain even though she doesn’t know anyone else going. At our Thanksgiving table, she said, “I’m thankful for Coach Dave,” who gives her Bible verses to memorize as well as 19-year-old boys to block her shot and train her mental and physical grit. She decided not to play softball this summer and when she told her coaches, whom she adores, they said “you made a big girl decision and we appreciate that about you.” What I label as intensity, her coach Dave calls elite drive and work ethic. In positive psychology, there is this concept of “flow” where one is fully engaged with a healthy level of stress -- Molly is in “flow.” Her boldness and humor entertain me, as well as her concern for others -- a trait Miss Diana saw in her as early as 3 years old.  I think her confidence also has to do with the built-in best friend of her cousin Kitty who lives within walking distance of us; they spend a lot of weekends together even though they are now at different schools. She prepares meals for herself,  plans the family grocery lists and meal preps, and is thriving in her classes. It makes her Social Studies teacher-Mom happy that her favorite class is AP Human Geography, which she seems to apply daily. It is an interesting shift to have an only child at home, and BJ and I  both are really enjoying the time with her.  

2024 marks ten years since BJ first noticed his tremor so he has  been living with Parkinson’s Disease for a decade and as we watch it progress, I am filled with both heartache and gratitude, frustration and perspective.   I saw a great quote about how modern medicine exclusively tries to eliminate the pain, while healing sometimes is about being able to hold the pain. Thankfully, he has great doctors at Vanderbilt who help with the medical things, including his fifth surgery this summer for his deep brain stimulator. The new technology provides for the charger in his chest (which controls the wires in his brain) to last over ten years with weekly charging sessions, so we rarely see just how horrible this disease is since the stimulator in his brain is always on. But once this Fall on a Saturday morning, it surprisingly shut off in a store when I was an hour away from him, but my coworker and friend Jen dropped what she was doing to pick him up until I could get to him with the charger. The relief is immediate. Jen said if he just wanted to watch college football on her couch, next time he should just say something. Humor and friends sure help us in this journey.  In addition to his medical therapies, we adopted a one-year-old Doberman, Xena, whose training controls the menace of a puppy while still inviting BJ to walk regularly and be great company. Rosie is still the HBIC  in our household. BJ is a great Dad, who became a UT football fan with season tickets and supports us all the ways he can. 

                                

Trips of and life changes:   For spring break, Anna Cate and I went to New York City to celebrate her 18th birthday with our dear friends, Dani and Kennedy. For Anna Cate’s graduation, Becki and Douglas took Anna Cate, Molly, Kitty and Tallulah to Disneyworld for a trip of a lifetime.  Anna Cate went to the beach with her friend Claudia and Molly got to visit her favorite place -- Lake Geneva, Wisconsin -- for Becki’s grandfather’s 99th birthday. Molly and I went back to Virginia this summer and experienced some special times with our dear friends.  BJ had two surgeries this spring so some overnight stays in Nashville.  I am teaching a new set of standards for AP Psychology and BJ and I went to Bowling Green, Kentucky for my training at Western. And, as a family with my Mom and Claudia, we went to the beach the week before we started packing the car for college. For Thanksgiving, we enjoyed a lovely visit with BJ’s brother’s family, Sarah,Greg, Graham & Cilla. BJ and I are going to celebrate our 20th anniversary this December with an overnight getaway and meal at a restaurant he’s always wanted to try. As much as we loved worshipping online Sunday mornings after our cousin Wad died, we have started going back to Nunnelly Methodist Church and then finding time to worship online with FBC one evening. 

In my 21st year of teaching, I just feel so lucky to love a job as much as I do. While I am a history teacher first, this year all my classes are AP Psychology. I don’t really have much of a life outside of driving, working, trying to fit in some exercise, and completing the New York Times word games on my phone. The daily 50-minute drive each way is very physically draining, but mentally fulfilling as time is either spent talking to Molly (used to be Anna Cate) or listening to a podcast or audiobook mostly on mindfulness, wellness, history or ideas. Right now authors/podcasters  I appreciate are Brene Brown, Jonathan Haidt, Dan Harris, Krista Tippett, Adam Grant, Jay Shetty, and Sam Harris. Sometimes I will hear about a book and think “Damn, I think I could have written that!” -- like the one by an Ivy League-trained Psychologist’s book looking at US History using tools of Psychology. But she went to Harvard and teaches at NYU, and I teach public high school so maybe my ideas are best for conversation or musing in my own mind.  A few weeks ago on “The Next Big Idea,”  I heard an interview with Anne Wroe, obit writer for The Economist, talking about her new book and that writing obituaries provides lessons for living, and it gave me the idea for my Dad for Christmas. I got him the book and I’m typing up all the obituaries or eulogies I can find that he has written or given. 

One of the first ones I typed was from 1989 about Mr. Bruner, who lived to be 98 and was the best example of a human I’ve ever known.  Mr. Bruner taught Latin, Math, and Agriculture and was a principal; to quote Dad: “a nationally known horticulturist, inventor, son of the last century, was known by those who knew him toward the end of his era as a Sunday school teacher and a friend to children. What a way to go out!” One of those children, a baby at the time, Elizabeth Bruner McGinley, I now work with!  Threads of the divine.  This summer on my birthday, my dear friend Dorinda sent me the most beautiful note and necklace, noting that she sees me -- my anguish and quite honestly my disappointment in myself-- and that I need to think of myself as having a higher calling and am where I need to be. It meant the world to me, and a reminder of  God’s presence incarnate in friendship. A couple of weeks ago, our students did “shout outs” to teachers and one of these messages particularly warmed my heart “I appreciate how authentic you are… I admire the connection you build -- most teachers can’t do it as quickly and as easily as you do.”  There is a loneliness epidemic in our country, but teaching sure provides a lot of great relationships!  

One evening after yoga when I was trying to let my practice “stick,” I thought if I got everything I want, what I think we “should have” in this materialistic world, and wasn’t so heartbroken to see BJ’s illness progress and things turn out the way that they are,  I am just not sure I would see the value in this life…. not my life but this universal life.  This human experience.  Because of our troubles,   I know the value in holding the sorrow AND cherishing the peace and joy in the journey. Being stripped of what we think we want, like a room at the Inn, is a gift too, even if it sure isn’t one I would want.  But because of our limiting life situation, I appreciate even more the gifts of Spirit.  The pain of being human is what allows me most to appreciate the glory and goodness of God.   So I wear that gaudy orange, accept the results of a national election that broke my heart, admire the strength and good cheer of my husband and children, appreciate a drive so that I can be in a school community I love, and treasure the spiritual gifts in family and friends who journey with us. 

So this Christmas, let’s celebrate the One who “isn’t a high priest, unable to empathize with our weaknesses” (Hebrews 4:15), who “emptied himself and became as all humans are” (Philippians 2:7). In our human experience, we tap into our need for the spiritual gifts of peace, hope, joy and love. Yet, those are the themes of Advent and by the time you get this, it will be closer to Epiphany! So I hope this Christmas, our stories can remind us that the highs and lows of life shape our journey, guiding us to moments of gladness and insight. Like the Magi, let’s embrace the journey and receive God’s revelation to us in human form.  Wishing you a season filled with love, reflection, and the happiness of new beginnings.