Reflections on turning 48: Telemachus, family serving good wine, and a friend who sees my story

Story has  the power to get to the depths of  life in a way theology, philosophy or even psychology doesn’t.  Some stories or references keep coming up for my reflection — one for me is the story of The Odyssey.  

 As a teenager, I probably didn't really know the story, but I knew my Dad loved the poem/line from Tennyson's Ulysses "I am a part of all that I have met." 

Also, I remember my Dad heard a commencement speaker say  something like "Live a life like Telemachus - find joy in tending to the garden." I didn't understand what that meant but when my Dad is inspired by a story, he tells it a lot so I remember him retelling that commencement address often, and I got the gist of it. Telemachus isn't the one with the fancy stories, but maybe he had a good life. "Enjoy the small things" type lesson. 

In my 30s, when I taught 8th-grade World History about the river valleys and Greece/Rome, I used a great lesson from History Alive on the story of Odysseus where the kids listened to excerpts of it read out loud (I actually had a cassette tape and player) to learn about Greek culture. I loved the story -- and it wasn't until I taught that lesson tens of times over the years that I understood the story, both compelling and complex. 

So I thought about that line "I am a part of all I've met." I got to travel before I decided to teach -- I felt like I didn't fight monsters but I have some great stories of international travel in my 20s. I enjoy gathering experiences and stories and traveling to see and meet new, people, ideas, and places.  That line does seem to embody a lot of truth for the good life. But I was content to be settled as a mom/wife/teacher in the suburban sprawl of Virginia. 

As I taught the story, I would ask my middle schoolers questions like "If you were to encounter the sirens, would you want to hear their call and be tortured like Odysseus, who wanted to be tempted with their songs but had his man strap him to the ship so he couldn't give in to the temptation and escape to his death.  Or would you rather put wax in your ear and just never know the temptation?" I think always said to the students when they asked me that I think I would rather just not know. Or I might have changed my mind every time I thought of it -- I am a Gemini.

However, I always thought the biggest unanswerable question of this story was how did he really cope with life after he got home? Was he bored? Is this a story of a journey, or of a guy trying to get home? I always thought the journey was really the point, not the getting home. Yes, the point was about this hero trying to get home. But in reality, he experiences some pretty epic ordeals! From the Trojan horse to fighting monsters and having affairs with beautiful nymphs, I always wondered how he fared just getting home to Penelope. I always speculated that he probably was not satisfied.  Wasn't he probably secretly bored with Penelope?!?! I mean I am sure he appreciated all her weaving tricks to keep herself from having to marry a suitor and keep the home fires burning for him, but how do you go from all those experiences to a settled life?

I haven't taught Greek history in a long time, and the story has gone to the back of my mind.  Life has moved on, and while I think I have handled the ups and downs of life well, this year I have allowed myself to truly admit I am sad in many ways about where some things have landed.  That is not to say that there isn't good -- two things can be true. 

My girls growing up in walking distance to family is wonderful. I am the happiest I have ever been professionally, and I love where my daughters have gone/will go to high school. But we miss our church family so much, and there isn't a community pool. We bought a house across from the park and we had good times, but because of structural damage to the water pipes, the town closed it. I know that sounds so silly and shallow. But a highlight of our summers in Virginia was that we lived within walking distance of the community pool --  swim team ordered our days as the girls walked to practice.  But here in Centerville, the summer after Anna Cate's freshman year she worked as a lifeguard, and both girls spent long days there -- it was great.  It was really GOOD -- not the swim team community, but GOOD!!!!

I am trying to figure out how to balance what I see as spiritual growth in finding the strength to hold the pain and knowing that there is still so much good.  I do not want to be "toxically positive" but also not be in a place of feeling like I am experiencing scarcity. But the truth is that I did not want to live here, in my hometown.  BUT I BELIEVE that it might be what is best, better than anything I could have ever done. Raising our daughters with my brother, his wife, and our nieces is so wonderful.  Douglas and Becki are so generous with us and to Anna Cate and Molly. BJ and Tallulah are basically best friends, Kitty and Molly are almost twins. Uncle Doug and Aunt Becki treated the girls on this amazing vacation to Disney to celebrate Anna Cate's graduation, Molly and Kitty going to high school, and Talulah leaving elementary school. 

Douglas said the last night they were in Magic Kingdom, he looked at the four girls and he felt like it was the last night that they would all be children together.

While they were away, I was home trying to be productive as a way to kick off summer -- I got grad announcements out, wrote the blog about Anna Cate graduating and BJ had shoulder surgery. I was just so thankful that these girls had this once-in-a-lifetime trip, but I was home taking care of things. 

And since they got home, BJ is healing a little more every day and we got into the swing of summer.   In 2021, because the town pool closed, Anna Cate had to get a different summer job; her wise Dad knew about this Presbyterian church camp in the county, out in the country. NaCoMe

 Well, she absolutely loves it and it has been a source of unmatched joy in her life. She is in year three working there in all sorts of capacities from recreation to helping in the camp store, counselor and helping out. There are no phones and they have worship twice a day. One night, they sleep outside all night in the woods. 

This summer, she was asked to lead the devotional on Thursday mornings for the campers. BJ went to hear it and reported that "she is in her element" there, never been happier. She would not have that experience, if we didn't live here, if the town pool would have remained open. 

Molly started playing basketball with Independence as she moves on to the next step in her journey.  I know it is hard and she was nervous to be the new kid.  She has worked so hard in the off-season to get ready.

 Last week, BJ took Kitty, Talluah, and Molly to swim at Raleigh's Chapel in Swan Creek -- I have made friends with the owners because Roxanne comes to my yoga class and I taught her son at Independence!   

My dad and his sister (and I assume a lot of other baby boomers) grew up swimming there.  I came home from watching these girls and kept thinking "This is poetic to know they are swimming the same "swimming hole" that their grandfather and great aunt did," and thank goodness my Aunt and Dad are still around to share in text messages their memories of it.  

So that is just how I cope -- I think of the stories. And, the ones of Ulysses and Telemachus came back to me in the form of conversation. My brother and I were texting about our Dad's health -- Douglas told him to think of that Tennyson poem. I kept thinking of the commencement speech to cope with his health and life changes, and texted Douglas that, to which he replied "You came home to be Telemachus." In retelling this conversation to BJ I somehow just burst into tears and I realized it is that "OMG I am living the life of Telemachus, and I didn't want it. I wanted to be Odysseus longer, too." 

I didn't really want to find out how Odysseus coped with being home and feeling like the journey was over. I just wanted to think about it, to talk about it.   

How in the hell am I being called to be Telemachus when I am NOT very good at tending the garden?!?! Living in Centerville was NOT how I wanted it, but maybe my garden is finding the good story, looking for the flowers. Plucking what I can, and looking at this garden, this journey, and this story.  The flowers of it are the spirit of both Anna Cate and Molly, the times with family, and our learning how to cope. 

This past weekend was my birthday I got the most beautiful gifts as assurances of my journey and THIS story. Becki and Douglas hosted us for dinner and served wine that BJ and I got them in France in 2016 (the year I say the rug of life was pulled out from under me). In 2016, we went to France to celebrate my 40th birthday, and by the end of that year both BJ and Anna Cate had been hospitalized several times and we decided we needed to move to Centerville in 2017. 

So on Saturday evening, we drank wine from that summer trip in 2016.  It was all good - the wine, the meal, the fellowship, and the story. 

And on Sunday, my birthday, I opened a package from my friend of over 30 years, Dorinda. Her card, words, and gifts both uplifted me and made me feel seen. Dorinda could tell I was disappointed in myself, where I am and she reminded me to frame it differently. Her clarity in knowing the rumblings of my inner world was such an extension of love

"Perhaps the place you are standing is different from the map you sought to follow, and the picture you painted now tells a different story. But trust me when I say, that your journey is unfolding in the most beautiful of ways. May this season be the season where you discover that there is worth in your waiting and grace in your growth. . . ."

So on my birthday, I thought I would write start this blog, and I thought of drinking that wine at home and revisiting the stories of both Odysseus and Telemachus. I reread the Tennyson poem and found that there is more than the lines I remembered. 

To paraphrase and find meaning for me I would say, yes,. . . .

MUCH is taken AND much abides. 

While I am not now moving heaven and earth, that which I am, I am -- strong in will, striving, seeking, and most importantly,  finding.  

May I stay curious and open as I start my 49th year around the sun.  The journey is at home too -- maybe now it is just in the ways I look at the story.