The Stretch Zone

 Anna Cate graduated high school last month. This year was so bittersweet. In many ways, it was hard because we reflected on how our lives differed from what we imagined. She wrote her college essay on how she has had to get used to being uncomfortable, and that living in the stretch zone has served her well. It was emotional to reflect upon for both of us, but cathartic I think.  So many times throughout this year, she expressed, "I just wish life could be easy every now and then."

And that makes me feel guilty that I couldn't provide for her an easy life. But we aren't promised that for our kids. I thought I didn't know what she would be facing, but on the last day of school, I went back and read a blog I wrote on her first day of school. 

I know the world is going to change you and that is ok.... that is part of this world I brought you into.

I pray that your sense of self is stronger than the defeats or hurt you'll encounter. 

Wow -- I guess a part of me did know enough to know I didn't know. And her sense of self prevailed and my sentiment did as well.  Having you as my little girl has been one of the paramount blessings of my life.  You are such a fantastic kid, a precious person with heart, and humor and soul like no one I've ever met.  

And then she was faced with the decision of where to go, and while it seemed like she was going to go to  Virginia Tech, when the numbers came out, it just wasn't worth it (sorry, Hokies). It was a couple hard days, but she pivoted. 

She even had the wisdom to say, "I've said all year I just wish things could be easy - maybe this is God saying 'let it be easy - choose Knoxville.'" My Dad said something that soothed my soul with his wisdom, "sometimes God closes doors we don't have the courage to close ourselves." So she is going to UT Knoxville. She has had to drive (or ride) 50 minutes each way to school and it has been hard on her... worth it, but hard. Being in Knoxville with so many familiar faces will be good!

 This year, her Senior year I got to see her every day as she was a student of mine in AP Psychology and she actually chose to eat in my room ( as did a couple of her friends).  It made me think of how sad I used to be that I didn't get to be that Mom who went to lunch in elementary school, but this was such a gift. 

We celebrated with a grad party in early May, hosted by an absolute angel and godsend as a friend to me (and to our family). It was for people who live near our school and my family came up from Centerville.

Then we finished out the year with tests, grad parties, and "lasts" of so many things. At Baccalaureate I was so full of gratitude and joy, mostly because I am just so grateful for this school and community Anna Cate got to have the last three years. She was voted "most dependable" by her classmates and received the honor of the "Soaring Eagle" by the faculty and staff which honors a student for their scholarship and citizenship. 

She has made connections and felt a part of a community. After the Baccalaureate, the Senior class had their "Senior Sunset."

 As the week of her graduation began, I thought 'I am not sure I would appreciate this all if we hadn't had sadness and disappointment along the way. If this was just the expected, normal experience like high school is for so many kids.' Amid all this celebration,  we have had a reminder of the struggle that is BJ's health.  In May, he had surgery to support his deep brain stimulation and after a fall in February (picking up a goat) he had surgery to repair his shoulder. But I would like to think that struggles don't have to diminish our joy -- they just can coincide.  I sat in the Baccalaureate and graduation ceremonies full of appreciation for our experience and thankful for this school community. 

On graduation night, the students and faculty assemble in the gym for two hours before we walk out and it is a time to be together. So special. 

And graduation is beautiful at Indy. Traffic to get in there (one entrance) is hard but the service is beautiful and there is a metaphor there.

We were a few of the last people there on the field as we weren't in a hurry to get out and deal with traffic... but I think we also just wanted to savor our time at this place. We appreciate how this school/community has been such a source of joy in our journey, how thankful I am for family to sit in the traffic to come see graduation.   So, I have been stretched too.  The stretch to cope, to hold sadness and disappointment has also stretched my capacity for joy, recognizing how wonderful our experience has been.  Maybe I am simple-minded in my efforts to appreciate something like a great school and a job I love.  Socrates said, "The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less." I am not sure that is advice I want to give to my children, but it is wisdom I can appreciate at my age. 

My sweet girl, may you BE where your feet are and find joy THERE. She posted on Instagram that she had so much to say but felt like a Winnie the Pooh quote fit, how lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

 I am proud of Anna Cate for so many things, including the way she has been stretched even if it has broken my heart at times to watch. But I guess it is not that different than the way I felt when she went to kindergarten... With those defeats, you'll experience joy, success, and wisdom.  You'll find new ways to share your humor and your compassion. My circle of influence is dwindling but yours is growing and it is beautiful. I just know it. I really do know it, but right now it hurts because I feel like I'm losing my little girl. 

The spirit of this poem has been a guide for me in parenthood and the fact that she is sporting that UT orange shows I am living out that she belongs to herself. My bending has indeed been for gladness, now it is her time to fly. 

Or, Soar like an Eagle.